Chapter 4: Exodus Part 4

=i kiss her back, waiting for her move=

I smile

See your getting the hang of it.

I relax more on the bed and sigh

=i motion to laying on the bed with her, a small grin on my face=

I look at him

You can speak you know

=i look into her eyes= I thought you wanted some quiet.

Yes but it doesn't mean you have to stop talking entirely.

=I check the chamber of the pistol=

Clear

=I take the remaining clips from my medical bag and get locked and loaded=

(He stops thinking)
(Letting the music take him)
(He sleeps)
(He dreams)

Then can I ask if I may join you on the bed? I'd rather not sleep sitting up, you know. Or on the floor.

You should know you don't need to ask for that dear.

I know, but it is always nice to be polite.

=I lie down on the bed next to her, propping my head up on my elbow=

There's a difference between being polite and taking it too far.

I roll to look at him

Sorry. Not sure what to say. I know what I want to do, but not what to say.

Don't say anything then? Not everything requires words.

=I smile and kiss her, not saying anything=

I relax onto the bed

Yanno, i'm gonna miss that Sabre.

=I snort, and lie down as well, looking at the ceiling= I could've made a really dirty joke just then.

I know how you feel, by the way.

I think you should tell me this joke.

=i look over without moving my head, the corner of my mouth curling into a smirk= Well, it's more of a skit that requires two people, but I think you said you are too tired to do much of anything.

Just say it.

You said you miss your Sabre right? Well, I happen to have a sabre of my own. Very proud of it. Very sturdy, nice and large, fast when you want it, slow when you don't.

=i think for a second= More of a pickup line than a joke, but apparently the Marines on the Blizzard's Fury thought it was hilarious. Never said until now. I think I can see why.

That was awful. Never ever, ever say that again.

=i look back at the ceiling= I know. I don't understand normal humans sometimes.

=i look at her and shrug, as best i can= One of the great mysteries of the universe.

Hmph.

=i think for a while before turning and giving Jay a hug, my head on her shoulder= I'm sorry.

There is a reason why I tried to kill myself, why I stayed behind in the armory, why I locked myself away in my mind. And I wanted to tell that I am sorry for it.

Dont be. Just dont ever do it again.

No, you don't understand. =tears form in my eyes again= I...I killed you Jay. I was forced to watch as my own body betrayed me and killed you, over and over and over again. Not in combat, not even on accident, but on purpose, deliberately, coldly. I didn't want to, I tried everything I could do to stop it, but it kept happening.

=i hug her tighter= I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

You didn't do anything Dormii. You didn't want to do it and look how much pain it's caused you.

I hold him close to me

It won't ever happen, you worry too much.

But do you see? I can't live like that. I almost lost my sanity, you were the only thing keeping me alive, and I was killing you! If another one happens, it may be worse. It may be more than you, it may be everyone. And how will I know if I really did it, or if i dreamed it? I don't even know all that I've done in my life, I may have done even worse things, waiting to break lose.

=i start crying uncontrollably=

So what are you going to do then? Close up inside yourself? If you do that then your already dead.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anyone, but if i close up I can't be with you. But if I don't, i may hurt someone, or even kill them.

I just don't know anymore.

I fold my arms

So make a choice.

Do you want to go with certainty, or chance? Certainty of never hurting anyone, or chance of hurting someone, possibly Jay. If you do certainty, you will hurt Jay, even more than if you didn't. However, chance means you may kill her, or someone else. Which do you choose?

=i debate, again and again before choosing= i choose you. I choose to stay with you.

=i look into her eyes= I don't want to lose you. You are the only thing keeping me sane.

Good. Your reason shouldn't matter. Only that you won't retreat into yourself.

=a small grin appears= But I don't know if I can survive another round in my mind. Care to help give me something to remember? I promise I'll use my tongue.

My face grows serious

At a time like this, that's what your thinking about!

=the grin disappears= Sorry. I still don't know what to say. And I'm afraid to sleep.

=i roll over to the other direction= Just say I love you, idiot. Gods, why don't you just say it??

=i look at her, unsure of what to do=

SAY YOU FUCKING LOVE HER, DAMMIT! Are you seriously this dense???

I lean and kiss him

I suppose it would be good to give you something to remind you of what you might be missing.

Don't you dare say it now. Now is a cheap moment. Save it for later, you idiot.

=i roll over again, and kiss her, carefully. i don't know if her nose and lip still hurt=

=i pull her closer, kissing harder, but still careful of her nose. i start slowly moving=

I lower myself down, my legs either side of him and my hands resting just next to his ears.

I don't like this room.

=i sit up, slowly so not to hit her with my head, and rest my hands under her= Wanna move? =i kiss her again=

I'm not fussed

I kiss him more

=my hands roam up her back, my kisses increasing as i pull her closer. one hand break off to explore how to open her clothes=