Chapter 4: Exodus part 3

=walks into Mess hall, throwing helmet onto the table=
there's barely any thing left in here... I can't take any of this food...
guess I'm not hungry...


~You know what's awesome? Spinning office chairs! FTW!
-Everyone who's ever sat in one.

=I get up, looking at him, listening silently=

That doesn't sound like the young man I used to know, that sounds like someone got into his head, messed things up. Sound like trauma, exposure. I need to help him. even if he doesn't want help outright, I'll be damned before i let him fall in a psychotic state again....

=i start training with the flail-staff-spear. spinning it and thrusting and clubbing imaginary foes. i slice the neck of one only to smash its jaw into its skull and crush the back of its head. my muscles start to tire and burn=

Burns for their pain

=Ash drops her head not knowing what to say=
I... I...

=She looks back up at him then to Nikolaus=
What do I say..?

=She drops her head again=
I don't know Dormii...

The scars to open, to heal the blind
The burns to remind what has been done
The screams to mark the damned

The scars to open, to heal the blind
The burns to remind what has been done
The screams to mark the damned

Blood for my blindness
Burns for their pain
Screams for us damned

You repeat lines of that poem over and over, but you don't realize what your doing. your solidifying GUILT in your mind, you allow yourself no luxury, you constantly lower your own self esteem for a wrong you committed when you were non compos mentis!

I'v already thought about it a bunch of times, but still... now what? Is this it? I'm supposed to be stuck here?
....... so bored!.........


~life is like a game of chess... There's like fifty million moves, makes no friggin' sense, and it's impossible to win...
-people who don't play








P.S. I actually play chess and understand it.

=to Ash= I do.

=to Nikolaus= If I can't control my own mind, then what am I? Well, I'll tell you.

=i throw the spear a few inches from his feet, the flail swinging and almost hitting him=

I am a monster. I killed in cold-blood. I watched my team die, all because I decided that burning plasma rifles was more important. I thought it was my training, I was WRONG! I killed my friends, I tried to blame self-defense, that my fucking training made me do it. I WAS THE ONE WHO DID IT! Not my training, not any orders, ME!

=i start with the flail-mace=
Screams for us damned

=I awaken to the sound of an arguement and run to it's source=

What the hell is going on..?

=I see the fight of Ash, Dormii, and Nikolaus.=

=I don't flinch, and remain silent=

well, i guess i should just go I'm sure I'll find some thing...

=Ash flinches at the spear hitting the ground=
Dormii... Your not that person... Do you remember what I said about those dreams..?

=She see's her words have no effect on him=
I'm sorry Dormii...

=She steps back=

=to Ash= You said that as long as I am afraid of turning into that, I will never become them. I'm not sure I'm afraid anymore...

=i twirl the mace set clubbing foes and smashing limbs=

=grabs helmet, puts it on, and gets ready to leave...=
I'll find something...

Dormii, the training you went through was a form of indoctrination. You were not ABLE to defy orders and neither were they. you were given an order, you followed it, just like your training made you do. you had no choice. ONI made sure of it. Everything you've done, your training, the indoctrination process, made you do. underneath it all, you had no choice. your still a child.

=As the spear hits close to Ash and Nikolaus and I raise my gun to Dormii=

What the hell are you doing!?

=Ash looks at Nikolaus=
How dose he know all that..? Who is this guy..?

=i put the mace-flail away and start practicing with the knife-ring=

=to Nikolaus= And how do I know that what you are saying is true? For all I know you are a mutant, a freak, like me.

=i spin the ring over my head and start slicing targets=

= walks down the hall =
....................
why are you leaving?
there's nothing left here
really? I'm still here
no crap, your in my head
.....................................
I won't lose it as easily as Voutan did.

=Ash watches Dormii swing the knife ring, she speaks nervously=
Dormii... What do you think your doing..? What about Jay? Are you going to do this to her..?

=She looks into his eyes=

Dormii, can you please put the weapons down.. it is hard to negotiate with sharp objects in your hand

=I continue to point the gun at him=

= reaches the exit =
well, goodbye people...

=i keep going with the knife-ring, the blades jingling as i spin and turn=

=to Ash= I will not impose my madness upon her. I will keep her safe.

=to Snow= Would you rather that my emotions come out? My rage, sadness, fear? Training is the only thing keeping me from attacking any of you right now. =some emotions creep into my voice as I talk=

=i hamstring a target, then slice down his spine. i turn and rake the blades across another one's eyes before running it through where his face would be=



(these are imaginary targets)

Do you even want us here Dormii..? Do you even care if we try to help you..?

=She steps back next to Snow=

=turns around starring at the compound=
i can't leave, can i?
=falls backward onto ground, staring at the sky=
*sigh*

Try me

=I cock the DMR and flip it off safety=

=i finally break and fall to my knees, tears forming and mixing with the blood from my scar= I'm beyond help...

=I lower my DMR and stare at Dormii=

Dormii... No one is beyond help... No one...

=She walks closer to him bending down to his level=
Please... I know your not a monster... And you don't enjoy kill...

=She looks deep into his eyes=
Your not that person...

the sky won't change...
=looks around=
hmm...

=i keep crying, unable to help it. i start reciting the ceremony i chose to participate in when I joined the Equality=

I accept that there are multiple gods, and to ask any one for help instead of them all would show Inequality.

I accept to help all others in need, so Equality may be everywhere.

I accept that my name is who I am, so others may truly know me.

I agree to defend Equality from all others who would attack it, but to never start the fight, on pain of death.

=I raise my gun to half his level, being prepared for anything=

Dormii.. would you feel better if I shot you?

=begins to whistle, then raising the pitch until it becomes a loud shriek, that echos through the woods=
.................I should probably just stay here.

=Ash spins back to Snow=
Put the gun away... He's not going to harm anyone...

=She looks back at Dormii=
You never meant it.. You couldn't help it...

.... hey i'm getting good at this whistling thing!
= raises the pitch even higher=
.................. damn that even hurt my ears!

Bullshit I am putting the gun away, he has a full arsenal of weapons in his back pocket!

=I stare at the two=

=She stares back at him, her tine raised=
Just put it away Snow! Now!

No way! I don't trust him! If he even looks at me wrong, I will shoot him.

=i keep reciting, trying to clear my mind=

I accept that the Founder is not known, but I agree to strive to find out who they were.

I accept that Hell, Paradise, and the Road to Return exist.

I accept that the gods watch, but may influence events.

Upon these words I swear, I give Equality to all, and to put others before myself, so they may experience Equality for themselves. I swear to never force anything upon anyone, for only yourself may truly know yourself, no outside person may know who you are.

Upon these words I swear, I am equal to all, and all are equal to me.

=starts feeling drowsy=
*yawn*...damn I get tired a lot...
=goes back to whistling=

=I walk to Dormii, kneel beside him=

Dormii.....You are not alone...

=Ash stands up=
I can't reach him...

=She walks back to Snow, and snatches the gun out off his hands=
Get out of here! Can't you see he needs help?

=I draw my pistol and point it at Ash=

Give.. me the fucking gun back.. now.

okay now i'm just boring myself. *sigh*
you wanna talk-
No.
fine then...
showed you............................. I really gotta stop having conversations with myself.


~{insert quote}
-{insert quote's author name}

=She stares into his eyes, her stance changes=
No! Get out of here....

This seems like a bad idea..

=i stand and grab Snow by the arm and the neck, lifting him up= No. More. Pain. With a twist of my hand you would be dead. No more pain, no more death. Not for those who don't deserve it.

=i drop him and turn to Ash= Be glad I can't do the same.

=i walk back to base=

=Once let go by Dormii=

You crazy mother fucker

=I take my DMR from Ash and sit on the sandbags in the courtyard=

....................*snoring*
way to fall asleep stupid!

He's not stable. He would harm even his friends, or those close too him.....

=I stand next to snow and Miss Cole=

He needs time to himself. hopefully he'll remember what I told him and reflect on it.

=I look at Snow, and arch an eyebrow=

=Ash turns to Nikolaus, ignoring Snow=
You have to tell me who you are...? I'm not buying that story any more...

=She waits for his reaction=

=Voutan heads back to the Spirit and starts setting something up=

Voutan- Hey Zeru. Can you come back to the Spirit? I want to test your abilities in a certain feild that most seem to forget to work on.